Voice

Use both your ears to win your tug of war

What do you say when it's a tug of war with yourself?

When you know what you want, but you feel you can't go for it...

When your heart says "do this", but your head says "be careful"...

When your words call-out for help, but your body pushes back...

When you're hurting, but you're not ready to take care of it...

 
tug of war.jpg
 

We can ALL RELATE to one time or another when we felt this tug of war.
It’s a battle in every sense. In winning, one side denies the other.
And no matter what, it costs us.

Too often, we allow loud voices of doubt, fear and worry, to silence our wants.
And after that, we often double down and beat ourselves up, for not living up to what we really want for ourselves.


So, perhaps we can consider something new - so simple and so profound.

What if we could listen with two ears -

and really listen to BOTH sides?

 
 

What if we could hold-on, and appreciate both the tug to the left and the tug to the right.

What if we could listen to the first feeling, the deeper voice, the raw desire and give it air.
Just as we also listen to the second feeling, the protective voice and the inhibitory defense.

Each side has a purpose.

The first, expresses our unfiltered desire, to initiate and project ourselves forward.
The second, serves to protect us and pull us back to safety.

Instead of a tug of war, with one winner and one loser, let's find a third way.
We can hold both ends of the rope, honoring both sides and riding the tension between.
Without denying either side...
we can pursue our wants,
even as we exercise healthy measures of self-preservation.

We invite you to consider this, when you find yourself asking "What do I say when I hear myself wanting one thing, but I'm not ready to go for it?"


Here is how we do it in our practice.

We are mindful to listen to people.
We try to listen to both sides.

  1. What do people really want?

  2. What (legitimately) holds people back?

PEOPLE WANT...


...to be understood.
...to express themselves.
...to pursue the connections they crave.
...to pursue their goals.
...to succeed.
...to help themselves and their kids.
...to be independent.
...to get the best.


PEOPLE HOLD-UP DUE TO...


...financial costs.
...conflicts in schedules.
...geographic distance / travel time.
...impatience.
...preserving the predictability of the status quo.
...fear of the unknown...
...disbelief they could actually do better.
...overestimating what will be required.
...fear of failure.
...misinformation.



When people are looking for help,

we provide dynamic solutions.


We want for you, what you wish for yourself!

We seek to understand you.
We empower you with self-expression.
We help you build connections, so you feel connected.
We clarify your goals and then get behind you to pursue them.
We chart a path to success, step by step.
We cultivate skills to help you help yourself.
We nurture your independence, so you don't depend on us.
We provide the best professional communication care.

At the same time, we know we need to understand what holds you back,
and we work with you to overcome your obstacles.

We offer multiple methods of payment.
We schedule daytime and evening hours.
We reach you with local offices and online appointments
We custom-fit the process to match your needs: with the ability to work 1x/week, or more intensively.
We identify what you are ready/able to do, and set realistic expectations.
We provide up-to-date information and understanding.
We show you how you have it within you, to be your own best problem-solver.
We create the possibility to envision and believe in your success.

So, you can go get what you really want!

 
 

"Dr. Phil" and Nachum Segal (NSN Radio Interview)

 
“Phil, I think it goes back to 1997, when I came to you to save my voice…” Nachum Segal

“Phil, I think it goes back to 1997, when I came to you to save my voice…” Nachum Segal

 

Enjoy this personal and inspiring interview, as Nachum Segal brings his radio show to the streets of Riverdale, NY and meets-up with his friend, “Dr. Phil.”

Enjoy listening to these two friends as they discuss:

  • Nachum’s amazing voice, and how he takes care of it….

  • Practical tips for taking care of your voice…

  • Tips for people who stutter…

  • Two amazing stories from Dr. Phil

  • And then, a twist: Nachum reveals his own “stutter” story

 
 

The Alchemist’s Secret - Teen tells his story

Meet Andrew Carlins. 

He stutters.  And I am the speech-therapist.  But this guys leaves me speechless - every time. 
His parents (shining examples in their own right) brought him to meet me in the Long Island office.  And the journey continues years later.  And so much more yet to come.
As a high-schooler, he participated in our panel Q&A events; he collaborated in designing and traveling to Israel to conduct epic research; we co-presented the research at the National Stuttering Association Convention in Atlanta, GA - and we "bowl" together at the annual Paul Rudd SAY Bowling Event.  He continues to shine, and finds time to serve as a mentor for our teens who stutter.

He has an amazing way with words, and moves me every time.  Enjoy.

Uri


The Alchemist’s Secret

Alchemists look to change iron into gold, trying to perfect the imperfect. We are all alchemists trying to refine ourselves; however, only the few who learn the alchemist’s secret are successful. I achieved my revelation through overcoming my greatest obstacle: my stutter.

We are all alchemists trying to refine ourselves.
— Andrew

Imagine you have a question, but when you try to ask it, the words get trapped in your throat. Your ability to express yourself is attached to an iron chain around your neck. Others laugh as you struggle to break the chains that keep your voice trapped within, itching for freedom.

Welcome to the world of a stuttering child. Scratch that.

Welcome to the world of a stuttering child who allows that stutter to overpower his voice.

As a fifth grader, I was a full time stutterer and a part time entrepreneur with a business selling sports memorabilia to my friends. To build my inventory, I consciously decided to write letters to several teams, fearing I would stutter if I attempted to call. I thought the letters were convincing, but, based on the lack of responses, the teams did not.

Welcome to the world of a stuttering child who allows that stutter to overpower his voice.
— Andrew

I walked into speech therapy that week frustrated and disappointed. I wanted so much to be free of my stutter, which seemed to keep my business, and me, from growing.  My speech pathologist suggested I call the sports teams to personalize my request. He insisted I start each call by bluntly saying that I am a stutterer, predicting positive results.  Surprisingly, the more forthcoming I was, the better the outcome. It rained memorabilia during the following weeks.

I distinctly remember my first call to the Long Island Ducks. I hoped no one would answer, counting each dial tone and anticipating the relief of the voicemail recording. My desires went unfulfilled as I heard a respondent on the line.

“Hello. M-my n-name is Andrew,” I said stuttering as my chains tightened. I continued, “I-I-I am a st-u-uttt-erer a-and I am int-e-e-e-eeres-s-s-s-s-sted   i-i-in y-your mem-mem-memorabilia.”

As the pitch progressed, the chains of my stutter stopped burdening me. I was so focused on achieving my goal that others’ perceptions ceased to bother me.  For the first time, I spoke freely. I controlled my voice. The iron chain around my neck turned golden, as I realized my disfluent speech could not silence my voice. Only I could.

Surprisingly, the more forthcoming I was, the better the outcome.
It rained memorabilia during the following weeks.
— Andrew

Although I still occasionally stutter, I speak confidently wearing my now golden chains, proudly. My gift of stuttering inspires me to use my voice to empower others to find theirs. I act on my inspiration by giving back to the stuttering community. As a member and mentor of the not-for-profit organization Stuttering Association for the Young and a researcher leading an international stuttering research project, I raise awareness that stutterers are not alone and that there are multiple treatments that lead to success. Throughout my journey, I have had the privilege of ringing the NASDAQ bell announcing National Stuttering Awareness Week and presenting my research findings at an International Stuttering Conference. Reflecting on my experiences, I realize millions stutter, including Joe Biden, but only the extraordinary are "stuttering alchemists" who embrace their perfect imperfection and stutter well. I now know the alchemist’s secret, and I hope to empower others to learn it too.

For the first time, I spoke freely. I controlled my voice.
The iron chain around my neck turned golden,
as I realized my disfluent speech could not silence my voice.
— Andrew

My stutter no longer defines me, but my journey with it still shapes my worldview. I have come to understand that accepting oneself entirely leads to courage and self-confidence, which are gateways to success.

Since this essay is my first impression, I would like to introduce myself in a fashion I found successful years ago, that also takes into account my experiences and current self-perception: “Hello my name is Andrew. I am a stutterer….I am also a scholar, a musician, a poet, an entrepreneur, a researcher,  an athlete, an actor, an advocate, a mentor, a leader, a listener, a brother, a dog-lover, an individual... and an alchemist.”

 
Andrew, Tammy (mom) and Uri at Paul Rudd Bowling Event for Stuttering Assoc. for the Young (2013)

Andrew, Tammy (mom) and Uri at Paul Rudd Bowling Event for Stuttering Assoc. for the Young (2013)

 
My stutter no longer defines me,
but my journey with it still shapes my worldview.
— Andrew
Andrew attends Duke and studied abroad in Ireland (2018)

Andrew attends Duke and studied abroad in Ireland (2018)

Andrew Carlins is a student at Duke University, studying Financial Economics, Environmental Science and Policy and Ethics.  He is concerned with refugee rights, environmental economics and getting to know people.  At Duke, he mentors refugee students in Durham, NC, and engages city officials on behalf of refugees.  Andrew shows them that a stutter doesn’t have to hold someone back, and can actually make someone a better, stronger listener.
Andrew is proud of his stutter and grateful for the opportunity to share his experiences with others.  Feel free to email anytime (carlins101@gmail.com) with questions or thoughts.  Andrew would love to hear from you.

*This was also submitted as his college essay.

Stuttering Videos

Sometimes, we find ourselves without words; words to explain how we feel inside and words to help others understand what we’re dealing with.

These films are some of the very best videos to artistically express “what is stuttering.”