Use both your ears to win your tug of war

What do you say when it's a tug of war with yourself?

When you know what you want, but you feel you can't go for it...

When your heart says "do this", but your head says "be careful"...

When your words call-out for help, but your body pushes back...

When you're hurting, but you're not ready to take care of it...

 
tug of war.jpg
 

We can ALL RELATE to one time or another when we felt this tug of war.
It’s a battle in every sense. In winning, one side denies the other.
And no matter what, it costs us.

Too often, we allow loud voices of doubt, fear and worry, to silence our wants.
And after that, we often double down and beat ourselves up, for not living up to what we really want for ourselves.


So, perhaps we can consider something new - so simple and so profound.

What if we could listen with two ears -

and really listen to BOTH sides?

 
 

What if we could hold-on, and appreciate both the tug to the left and the tug to the right.

What if we could listen to the first feeling, the deeper voice, the raw desire and give it air.
Just as we also listen to the second feeling, the protective voice and the inhibitory defense.

Each side has a purpose.

The first, expresses our unfiltered desire, to initiate and project ourselves forward.
The second, serves to protect us and pull us back to safety.

Instead of a tug of war, with one winner and one loser, let's find a third way.
We can hold both ends of the rope, honoring both sides and riding the tension between.
Without denying either side...
we can pursue our wants,
even as we exercise healthy measures of self-preservation.

We invite you to consider this, when you find yourself asking "What do I say when I hear myself wanting one thing, but I'm not ready to go for it?"


Here is how we do it in our practice.

We are mindful to listen to people.
We try to listen to both sides.

  1. What do people really want?

  2. What (legitimately) holds people back?

PEOPLE WANT...


...to be understood.
...to express themselves.
...to pursue the connections they crave.
...to pursue their goals.
...to succeed.
...to help themselves and their kids.
...to be independent.
...to get the best.


PEOPLE HOLD-UP DUE TO...


...financial costs.
...conflicts in schedules.
...geographic distance / travel time.
...impatience.
...preserving the predictability of the status quo.
...fear of the unknown...
...disbelief they could actually do better.
...overestimating what will be required.
...fear of failure.
...misinformation.



When people are looking for help,

we provide dynamic solutions.


We want for you, what you wish for yourself!

We seek to understand you.
We empower you with self-expression.
We help you build connections, so you feel connected.
We clarify your goals and then get behind you to pursue them.
We chart a path to success, step by step.
We cultivate skills to help you help yourself.
We nurture your independence, so you don't depend on us.
We provide the best professional communication care.

At the same time, we know we need to understand what holds you back,
and we work with you to overcome your obstacles.

We offer multiple methods of payment.
We schedule daytime and evening hours.
We reach you with local offices and online appointments
We custom-fit the process to match your needs: with the ability to work 1x/week, or more intensively.
We identify what you are ready/able to do, and set realistic expectations.
We provide up-to-date information and understanding.
We show you how you have it within you, to be your own best problem-solver.
We create the possibility to envision and believe in your success.

So, you can go get what you really want!

 
 

"Dr. Phil" and Nachum Segal (NSN Radio Interview)

 
“Phil, I think it goes back to 1997, when I came to you to save my voice…” Nachum Segal

“Phil, I think it goes back to 1997, when I came to you to save my voice…” Nachum Segal

 

Enjoy this personal and inspiring interview, as Nachum Segal brings his radio show to the streets of Riverdale, NY and meets-up with his friend, “Dr. Phil.”

Enjoy listening to these two friends as they discuss:

  • Nachum’s amazing voice, and how he takes care of it….

  • Practical tips for taking care of your voice…

  • Tips for people who stutter…

  • Two amazing stories from Dr. Phil

  • And then, a twist: Nachum reveals his own “stutter” story

 
 

Executive Function Matters: Get it done

You need these skills to get things done -
at home, at school and at work.

This post is inspired by Ptach director Dr. Judah Weller. (Scroll down to see my presentation, videos and resources.)
I had the privilege to kick-off the school year for the city-wide staff of Ptach, in Brooklyn, NY. Dr. Weller asked me to present the topic of “The Language of Executive Function.”
The result was magnificent launch to the school year. Along the way, in the “research and preparation stage,” I discovered valuable insights and practical tips for the staff.

I also was surprised how much I found to help myself understand my work processes (and my own mishegas). Then, after the presentation was over, my inbox was filled with feedback from the exceptionally experienced and sophisticated staff of Ptach. They told me how much the workshop helped them understand and help their students - and also how relevant it was for them, in their own lives!

EXECUTIVE FUNCTION (EF) MATTERS

These skills enable us to organize, plan, and execute tasks on daily life.

Think about it - executive functioning skills are required for life. Whether we’re in school, at work or at home - you need these skills to get things done.

  • organizing your stuff - and your time…

  • planning a long-term project…

  • juggling multiple tasks and responsibilities - even as more get added on the go…

  • setting goals and readjusting work-life balance…

  • scheduling your days and weeks…

  • making sure you fit-in (and show-up for) meetings, travel, self-care, leisure, food prep, social life and exercise…

  • getting to work, picking up milk on the way home and remembering to call the doctor between 11-11:15.

13 IMPORTANT SKILLS OF EXECUTIVE FUNCTION

Tim Urban knows that procrastination doesn't make sense, but he's never been able to shake his habit of waiting until the last minute to get things done. In this hilarious and insightful talk, Urban takes us on a journey through YouTube binges, Wikipedia rabbit holes and bouts of staring out the window -- and encourages us to think harder about what we're really procrastinating on, before we run out of time.
  • Response Inhibition

  • Memory

  • Working Memory

  • Emotional Control

  • Sustained Attention

  • Task Initiation

  • Planning/Prioritization

  • Organization

  • Time Management

  • Goal‐directed persistence

  • Flexibility

  • Metacognition

  • Stress Tolerance

RESOURCES

  • Smart But Scattered by Peg Dawson

    This book has been adapted with several different versions, for kids, teens and adults as well as a clinical guide. You can also access much of the material in these free downloads.

  • Understood.org

    This website is full of amazing infographics, videos and worksheets to create checklists, calendars and advocacy for parents, teachers and working with kids. Click here for free executive function materials.

  • Our Workshop Slides

    See my presentation below, loaded with videos, infographics and more free resources.